Our Choice to Home/Un-School

Growing up, I wasn’t a big fan of school. I couldn’t stand sitting there for hours a day being forced to learn things I had absolutely no interest in. I didn’t enjoy being on such a strict schedule with nothing really exciting in my day (besides my group of friends) that I truly looked forward to. Back then, what I looked forward to was coming home so I could play or to be able to run free outside, where I actually spent most of my time playing. As I got older, I longed to come home to work on my art again. To create. That’s where my mind was and that’s where I drifted off to many times throughout my day. I knew even at a young age that my time could have been so much better spent. Yet it wasn’t. I was in school and that’s how it was.

Years later, because growing up believing it, I was still in that mindset…kids need to go to school to learn. Yet I feel much of what I ‘learned’ in school I didn’t really ‘learn’. I feel it wasn’t until after school that I really started learning. Learning real things about life, learning things that really matter to me and can make a positive difference in my life. Besides more advanced reading, some more then just basic math (which I don’t use) and dissecting a pig, I don’t remember anything I did that differently in school that I could not have read about now.

In the last few years I have become more conscious than ever with the decisions I make, for anything and everything in my life. When the idea of possibly homeschooling our son Dylan came into my mind, I began to learn about it, educating myself on what homeschooling could really mean for us and how beneficial it can be. After talking it over with my husband and as he learned about the benefits as well, we finally agreed it would be the best thing for how we want to raise Dylan.

Anyone with children in the homeschooling world has heard of un-schooling. For everyone else with or without children, you may have heard of this term as well. In all honesty, I don’t think there is any ‘one’ real definition for un-schooling let alone homeschooling, because it can mean different things for different families. I’ve heard of some families who let their child take full charge in what he/she wants to learn. (unschooling) Some families give a bit more guidance in directing their child or children on their interests. Other families are more structured using full curriculums which seems to define homeschooling.

Either way, there are labels for everything in this world, it’s hard to get around it. My son is only 3, so only a few people ask me if he’s in preschool. I don’t answer that we’re ‘un-schooling’. I’d probably get looks of all kinds.  I just say “we’re homeschooling him”.  It’s a term many more people are familiar with. Yet to me that’s exactly what we’re doing, just without the structure and layout of an exact curriculum. We are very relaxed with our lessons. So for now we fall in between un-schooling and homeschooling.  In time, as Dylan grows up that may change. Now and in the future, I know we will use many sources and not 1 curriculum in particular.

Of course I still get questions with a tone of concern behind people’s words. Many people who are such firm believers in the public schools have the wrong idea to what homeschooling really is, let alone un-schooling. Although homeschooling is becoming more popular, I know many people still have the idea of it to be for families who stay in their homes raising unsocialized kids. Had you asked me about it 15 years ago I bet I would have thought the same. Yet the truth is, it’s anything but that. I can’t speak for all families, but I know most parents who are fortunate enough to take the opportunity of the brave route less traveled to ‘home/un-school’, deciding to keep their children from public or private schools are not doing it so they can keep their child secluded away from the rest of the world. In fact, homeschooling families seem to do anything but seclude their children from the rest of the world. If anything, we do it to ‘show’ our children the world.

There are many reasons why my husband and I have decided to venture into the homeschooling world. For us, it meant a different environment. The space we have created for Dylan to learn and explore is bright and inviting and has everything he needs to learn and explore right at his fingertips. The thought of him having to sit to learn is not something we have to worry about because in truth, most boys (and many girls for that matter) learn best while moving around and with hands on projects. We also don’t have to worry about the drama from other families leaking their way into Dylan’s world and young mind. We don’t have to worry about the obvious things that we hear come up more and more in grade schools…yes, grade schools…these days…drugs, sex, violence, bullying and exposure to negative social media. As much as we want Dylan to be involved in things to learn about them, there is no reason to directly expose him to such things as drugs and bullying to learn about them. For things as such there is a time he will learn about all of that and the consequences that follow. Yet not now. Not when we believe his mind should remain clear to be immersed in imaginative play and creativity, like a young child should.

We are doing this for lifestyle as well. We strongly believe in nature based learning and learning in a relaxed environment. A lot of our learning takes place outside. In my opinion I think nature really is our greatest teacher. What better environment can you ask for then out in the beauty of nature? Also, travel is part of our life and going places off season makes for much slower travel in this fast paced world.

We firmly believe learning happens all day, every day. Dylan learns throughout his day using positive toys and uplifting books and yes, even some wonderful Netflix and YouTube shows!  We want to teach Dylan learning is part of life, not a place he’s told to go, feeling forced to learn things that will never pertain to him. With that thought in mind, learning becomes a chore. It becomes something that, as kids get older, feel forced to do. And when children, (or any of us for that matter), feel forced to do anything, they might rebel. Learning is also not something that once school is finished should be stopped. Like I said, it’s lifelong. I believe raising a child to fall in love with learning at a young age… the will, desire and excitement to learn will stay with them for the rest of their life.

We want Dylan to feel in control of his life. What good is it if he can recite dates from centuries ago if the career he wishes to pursue is in a completely opposite field? What good is it for your child to be worried and stressed about getting a high score on a math test or forced to do such an extremely high level of math that will serve them absolutely no purpose in the future? It’s not like the schools are doing a magnificent job on teaching children ‘real life’ math skills of balancing bank accounts and teaching them the dangers of debt. Fundamental things that really matter and can make all the difference in a child’s future. It seems it’s more ‘important’ to pass an algebra or calculus class with a high score.

That brings me to testing. Our government has a standard on the test they give to every child. It doesn’t matter the child’s individual strengths and weaknesses. What matters in the end to them is a single letter or number. What does that say to our children? You got this letter, that’s how smart you are? I feel it puts a lot of unneeded pressure on kids to live up to a ‘standard’. We are all so uniquely different, that should be embraced, not looked down upon if we don’t measure up to ‘standards’.

The reasons why we have decided to go down this path seem to go right along with many homeschooling families that I’ve read about and talked to. I’ve talked to people whose kids are grown who have admitted to me they wish they would have thought to do homeschool, or have had the courage to do so. The sad thing is you can’t turn back time. So many of us are on auto pilot. Time for this, this and this. A schedule for this, this and that. By this age you should have that. By this age your children should know this. By this age your child should be able to do this. It’s hammered into our brains. Sometimes so much so that we don’t even think for ourselves, we just do.

Don’t get me wrong. I was brought up that way too…to believe everyone must attend school and pass tests and learn every subject. Do I sometimes think that Dylan could be missing out on things in school?  Do I think that the certified teachers could teach him better? Do I think that he could have better opportunities in school? Well the truth is, no one on this earth can be in two places at the same time. So what Dylan could be missing out on in school, he will be gaining at home, or on our day trips, or with homeschool groups, or in extra activities, or through travel. He will have the freedom and opportunity to be in control of his interests and learning with no outside pressure to mold him. He can use play to learn, as he does with such imagination. He won’t meet friends in school, but he will meet other friends because he wasn’t in school. As for the certified teachers teaching him better? I don’t think they can teach him better. I think they could teach him differently, but I don’t think they can teach him things that we can’t find the answers to. With the amount of books in the library and the internet, there isn’t one question in this world that can’t be answered at our finger tips. I believe the secret is to just have an open mind and willingness to learn. So as those questions have definitely crossed my mind,  wondering if Dylan will miss opportunities in school, I smile knowing he will gain magical ones outside of school.

With all the benefits we believe homeschooling brings, I will say, it isn’t for everyone. Many families have other obligations . There are many families where both parents are out of the house 8-10 hours a day, whether it’s for financial reasons where both parents work all day or personal career choices where both parents want to pursue their career goals, unable to dedicate the time needed to teaching things that their children can learn in a school setting.  There are many people who strongly believe in the school system, who feel that is a better learning system and environment for their children. There is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different and is after different goals. Yet if your lifestyle leaves you fortunate enough to be home with your children, if you’re a parent or plan to be and homeschooling has ever crossed your mind, personally I feel it is a blessing and I hope you take the time to educate yourself on all the ways homeschooling can be beneficial to not only your children but to you as well.

Either way, this is about our children and as every parent can vouch for, you want what is best for them. Every parent has their doubts if they are doing things ‘right’. Well, as long as there is an unconditional, overflowing amount of love directed to your child, then you’re on the right path. As for schooling, you need to weigh your options and decide what is right for you and your family. But you do have a choice.

When Dylan was born, the day he went to school felt so long away as I held him in my arms, nursing him to sleep. I swear it was last night I laid him down and all he could say was “Mama”. Here it is over 3 years later and I’m teaching him to read. It happens in the blink of an eye. I absolutely love teaching Dylan. I’m not saying it’s easy, absolutely not. The attention span of a 3 year old only goes so far. But that’s ok for now. When he does get what we’re learning I’m the first to see the light go off in his mind and the wonderful look on his little face as he smiles. To me that’s priceless.

I encourage everyone with children or not, to stop. Stop and really think about your life and where you want it to take you. Don’t think about what other people will think. Don’t worry about what other people will say. It’s your life and although it may seem like a long road ahead, it’s not. It’s short. Get out there and stand up for and grab what you want. In the end none of it will matter to anyone but you anyway. You’ll be the one looking back on your life, you’ll be the one either saying I’m so glad I did or I should have. Sometimes those should have’s are too late, especially when your kids are all grown.